“If today was your last day”

It was the first day of my sophomore year in high school and I still attended Sound School then so I expected my day to consist of long trips on the Schooner and a lazy afternoon walking along the beach by the lighthouse. Mentally, I wasn't ready for anything more serious than “would you like fries with your lunch today?”

Truthfully, I didn't expect sophomore year to be anything life changing. To me, it was just an extension to freshman year: an easy year with thirty minutes of homework each night and regular trips down to Dunkin Donuts during Tech. Therefore, when I walked into the library classroom to listen the Principal’s class welcome speech, I was not prepared.

Hearing him talk to us about college visits, club activities, PSATs and the all holy CAPT scared me. I hadn't even thought about what I wanted to be yet. Yes, I do remember having those conversations with my parents but those little chit-chats always ended with a simple “I’ll get to it, ma”.

The rest of the day was just an extension of that grueling speech. I felt very left out after I realized that all the friends I thought were as laid back as me were already decided when it came to their future. They knew where they wanted to work, where to go to school and where they could find their first job. Thinking back, I should have expected it since I did attended a “magnet” high school which specialized in the sciences. Every student there already had a general idea of their future. In contrast, I only attended the school to get out of Gym and English.

At first, I played it off. My acting should be commended because not a sliver of frustration showed through in my expression even though my conversations went through pretty much like this EVERY SINGLE DAY:

“So Rebecca, we are going to have a college workshop today during study hall. Are you going?”

“Yeah.”

“So where are you thinking of going for college?”

Time to BS it. “Umm… UCONN”

“Cool. My cousin wants to go there too. What are you going to major in?”

“PreMed”

Back then, I didn't know that PreMed was just a college “track” not really a major. I was feeling increasingly frustrated for the first few weeks of sophomore. Reflecting back, I must have been really patient. However, even with my natural talent and possible future as a lawyer, I was not that patient. I finally snapped one day after my parents tried to have the “chit-chat” again. I was in tears for the rest of the evening.

My mother was the first to console me since my dad was very awkward in these types of situations. She stroked my hair the way she always did when I was eight and stormed into her room every night since I stubbornly believed “Mr. Boogie” was trying to shave my head in my sleep.

“Honey?” she began the conversation that night, “What’s wrong?”

I looked up at her then, with my red, puffy eyes and runny nose, and spilled my pent up frustration. She listened quietly and when I was done, she laughed.

“Seriously, I can’t imagine you to be the type to be worried over such a thing. I mean you were always the one who calmly tackled each issue at your own pace”.

As I tried to digest what she just told me, my mother went into the kitchen to make me a cup of chai tea. She returned with a mug full of the warm, brown liquid and a stunning smile. Then she said the words that changed the course of history—at least my short seventeen year old history.

“Remember life is full of twists and turns. It would be easy if it was a straight road where you could look into the horizon and anticipate the future but you can’t. Therefore, live for the now. You will know what you need to know eventually. Take your time. Do what you usually do and take this as one big issue that you can break down and tackle at your own pace with a smile. Now smile!”

I smiled as my mother and father cancelled all plans for the evening to spend it with me. Okay so maybe that wasn't what she exactly said but it was along those lines: Live for the now. From then on my motto became the echo of Nickleback’s song “If today was your last day”.

I tend to like to live each day as a separate problem easily taking my time and finding my way at my own pace. My mother was right, I can’t see into the future. I didn't know I was changing schools to Amity high (where I had to sadly take gym again). Ironically, many of the girls who supposedly knew their future pathways changed career plans.

I, for one, finally made my choice. I want to be a neurosurgeon and with my calm demeanor I might make it. However, even though I am making my way with that goal in mind for now, I am not going crazy. Who knows what will happen tomorrow?